Tigers

Tigers, like all cats, are sexy, of course, Tigers are the sexiest - the stripes you see. Tigers, like all cats, get scared however, they get caught in the headlights and they bite. Like all cats, when they have nowhere to turn, they can fight like hell. This tiger however isn't like all cats, there's no teeth in her bite, even if she pretends there is, and sometimes blue people feel like they want to get bitten. It's the nature of a blue person. But I know that my Tiger will always float, because I know that behind all those teeth and claws, that fur and growling, is my Tiger, that never bites and that loves me, but sometimes get scared. This is my Tiger, and no one else knows it, but I know this Tiger like no one else, and I know she'd never hurt me. We''ll always be together, and we'll always be happy together, Tiger and Blue.

HOPES AND WISHES

On this night, like on so many before, sleep escapes me. I wish I could take it all back, Blue, I really do. I wish I could take back the day I agreed to be 400 miles away from you, the hour I flew over the channel without you, the minute I tore our world in two, the second I hurt you. I was never really one for tears, but now the flow won't stop, and it's drowning me, this monsoon of sorrow, of guilt, of blame that belongs on no one's shoulders but mine. I'm sorry for everything I said last night. For everything I didn't say today. It's so hard sometimes, but then, you know that better than anyone. My anger stems from longing, from loneliness, from missing you, and not from what you do. I'm sorry I made you think I want you to change. I'm sorry I was cold and mean. I'm sorry I pushed you to a point where you won't say a word to me. I'm drowning, but then, I'm the one who rocked the boat and burnt my life vest. I have no one but myself to blame. All I can do is hope there's still a little dry spot in your heart for me.

ANOTHER CITY

All the lost moments in the days without you, all the minutes that I count going by, one by one by one... They disappear with Brussels on the horizon - another city for us to claim, to make our own. And ours it will be, along with the rest of the world. Tomorrow we forget our shackles. Tomorrow, we get to take in a lung-bursting taste of freedom, the freedom I can only have with you. And tomorrow is on the horizon, and tomorrow another city will be ours and you will be ever-deeper in my heart. Because tomorrow, I will be with you Blue.

Found

Not lost anymore. I can see exactly where I'm going, and tomorrow it's Brussels, maybe next week it will be France, Poitiers, maybe the week after, Prague, maybe we'll meet in Paris, or London, where will we be for New Years? We'll be together, for sure, but tomorrow it's Brussels. I've pulled the hood back now and I can see right where I'm aiming for, on Tuesday the hood will be back on, and I'll be watching my feet, one step at a time, ignoring the passing world, but not Sunday, no, Sunday I get to drink it all it, throw my head back and scream as loud as I like, let the rain or the sun or the moon or the stars fall on my face and be set free, free by that thing we all want. Not internships, not money, not even friends. Love. Clichesclichescliches! It was until the 22nd of June 2011 at least, but now I've found it I'm not wandering, I'm not lost anymore, I know right where I'm aiming for. Her.

<3

Brussels!

Im going to Brussels with my wonder girl o Sunday. Thanks to her creative brilliance, amazing good looks and dazzling smile we've won a seat in the spotlight this weekend at the EU, which hopefully will turn into a summer of interning together in 2013!

Here's how we won...

Light

Tiger writes me an email at 3am. A smile spreads across my face like the explosions of roman candles burning up the dark night. Her love races out across the black blanket, tearing up the dark. The tiny stars at once ignite and the sky is a beautiful bounty of colours, the darkness an inferno in an instant and then all gone so that the sky is filled with brilliant light. Her brilliant light. She is my brilliant light. 'Shine a light into the dark places', that's why we sing Bob Marley to each other when the sky is dark, because we are each other's lights, and the darkness is afraid of us, and everything will be alright whilst we still have each other. I will follow your light for an eternity, for it stops me dashing on the rocks.

Tiger - Our New Year 2012/2

SURVIVING

I've been staring at that envelope for a while now. Willing for you to materialise out of the folds of blue paper - it is your colour after all. Instead, I am left holding these snapshots of happiness, some of the best moments of my life, now mockingly flaunting their perfection at me. I don't know if to laugh or cry.

The thing is, when things are hard, they're harder than anything. They rip your heart out and soak it in acid. It hurts. God, it hurts. But still, my heart is a wildcat, it can take it. Because this tigerheart knows it belongs to you, Blue, the only one that can heal the scars of anything bad that ever happens. It knows that its aching comes down to the 400 miles that separate it from you. The only reason everything hurts, kills, is because you are a vital organ to my being. In the meantime, before we can be reconnected, I survive on life support.

But we'll be together soon again. And when we're together, we can't tell our heartbeats apart. And when we're together, the Earth spins for us and no one else.

I love you Blue.

Her Smile

Right now I'm tapping away at my keyboard, repeatedly flattening the bed-hair that I had taken to lectures with me this morning and thinking of her smile. 

My room's still bare, un-decorated, the beige walls and bare pipes, the unmade bed serving as a constant reminder to myself that here is not where I want to be. I could be packed in two minutes, less even if I had to, I would pack 

The world continues to spint, nothing will change that

The smokey light drift through the windows of my bare room. My unmade bed, messy as if we had just gotten out of it and the undecorated walls 

I can't think of what I want to write here. Probably something that will make you ring me up and say 'I love you', something that can make 400 miles disappear without having to travel 38,000 feet above the sea, something that would have you waking up in my unmade bed as if it was the weekend again, just something that would make everything go away. But I can't write that. What I want to write, what I can write, is that I want you to know is that I'm thinking of you. And I can do that. I want to write something that will make you smile your smile, the one of deep happiness when you know that I love you, the one that makes the world wait around for us for a while. I want to write something that will make you stop and smile in the middle of the street for me.
I have the windows all open for you to fly in any time, and my walls are still bare, as if to say that this is not my home. Around me are scattered notes from the lectures I went to with that bed-hair after a sleepless night, but all that I can read is 'I love you, my lover' and all that I can see is that smile that makes summer jealous.
I love your pictures, I love you new hair, I love your eyes, but right now I'm missing the smile that makes everything okay, Tiger. You can do that for me, you can make everything okay just by smiling at me. Though I don't know what you're doing right now, I don't know where you are, I'm not holding your hand, but smile for me, and maybe it will make you feel better too. Just remember those shooting stars. Smile.