On this night, like on so many before, sleep escapes me. I wish I could take it all back, Blue, I really do. I wish I could take back the day I agreed to be 400 miles away from you, the hour I flew over the channel without you, the minute I tore our world in two, the second I hurt you. I was never really one for tears, but now the flow won't stop, and it's drowning me, this monsoon of sorrow, of guilt, of blame that belongs on no one's shoulders but mine. I'm sorry for everything I said last night. For everything I didn't say today. It's so hard sometimes, but then, you know that better than anyone. My anger stems from longing, from loneliness, from missing you, and not from what you do. I'm sorry I made you think I want you to change. I'm sorry I was cold and mean. I'm sorry I pushed you to a point where you won't say a word to me. I'm drowning, but then, I'm the one who rocked the boat and burnt my life vest. I have no one but myself to blame. All I can do is hope there's still a little dry spot in your heart for me.
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